The way I review theses episodes are as if I am sitting right next to you, watching the episode. Basically commentary. Essentially an overview rather than a review. I’m not going to give a synopsis because to me, Buffy episodes can’t really be summed up in a paragraph. There is just so much stuff there that you really should just watch the episode. My posts are more “gloss over plot” and more “focus in on certain moments”. Purely for fun, hope you enjoy! (P.S. Words in bold white are actual screencaps, I occasionally add to them.)
We start off where we left off…Luke blowing his garlic breath into Buffy’s face. As if. He is no match for her, obviously.
After kicking ass, Buffy saves Willow and Xander and then contemplates if she should even go after Jesse. After all, it’s been a long night and I’m sure she wants to get home and turn in for the night. Jesse is a goner at this point and you know she knows. They decide to leave him to his fate.
Back in the library Willow and Xander deal with the fact that vampires are real. Willow loses her mind and says she needs to sit down when she’s already sitting down. It’s quite a disturbing reaction.
In the Master’s mausoleum man cave The Master and Luke share a longing glance while discussing the Slayer. I’m going to go on record and say that I totally ship Laster. I think that they have amazing chemistry and their relationship is the healthiest out of everyone. Totally OTP.
In the library, the new Scoobies are getting the Slayer lecture.
The Master doesn’t want Buffy to interfere with the harvest. As in the Harvest Hoedown on Farmville. The Wi-Fi in the mausoleum is really terrible and he just wants everything to go okay but Buffy keeps ruining everything.
At the Sunnydale Library, Buffy claims, “God, I am so mentally challenged” and then refuses anyone’s help and decides to go get Jesse alone. Giles asks her if he needs to tell her to be careful, to which Buffy replies:
Buffy attempts to leave school and is rudely interrupted by Principal Flutie. Come on, bro. Buffy isn’t leaving school grounds. Shes just wearing the hottest shades ever. NBD.
Back inside the school, one of the writers decides to sum up the entire series with one line of dialogue. You can probably stop watching the show at this point, as this is pretty much the synopsis for every season after this.
Angel creeps on Buffy a bit before he finally reveals that there is an Angel statue behind him.
Buffy is all, yeah that’s a really pretty name. What she’s probably thinking is what the hell? She asks Angel if he knows what it’s like to have a friend. Well, unless you count hair gel then no, he doesn’t.
Angel leaves her like he always does (after saying “good luck” in a really creepy voice) and Buffy ventures into the mausoleum. Inside she runs into Xander, who tells her a blatant lie: “I couldn’t just sit at home and do nothing.” I know this is a lie because this is what Xander probably does every day, and nothing in the world could possibly pull him away from his bag of Doritos and TV. BUT WAIT…he soon reveals the real reason for his presence:
Whoop there it is. Jesse has Xander’s weed. Xander payed a lot of cash for that weed. Therefore Xander is there to collect. Buffy figures that his reason is pretty valid and lets him tag along, as long as he shares later on. After they meet vamp Jesse they decide to sunbathe outside for awhile.
At Sunnydale High Cordelia is being a douche to Willow as usual. Seeing as Willow is very powerful, Cordelia might not want to piss her off…but she does anyway. After telling some dumb story about Buffy stealing her corn dog,
she wants Willow to help her with her crappy computer project. Willow gives her THE BEST directions ever. She tells her to press “deliver”, so Cordelia, being a dumb ass, presses “delete”. Surprise, motherfucker.
The Master is being a dick in the mausoleum again, poking some guy’s eye out.
Willow makes a disgusted face at Giles’ description of the harvest.
Luke kisses the Master’s hand and tells him his body is his instrument.
Buffy’s trying to leave the house but Joyce is fucking around because of her parenting tapes. She says things that are actually the truth even though she means them ironically.
When Joyce leaves Buffy takes out her weapons trunk. Let’s take a moment to see what she has on the first layer.
Buffy then reveals the trunk’s real contents…
Shit is about to go down at the Bronze. Cordelia says Jesse is like a dog and then says this line that is so cruel it’s absolutely flawless:
Darla is skipping outside like an unhinged serial killer and I was/still am legitimately scared of her freaky ass in that moment.
The vamps infiltrate the Bronze and Luke lets down Beyonce and Nicki Minaj.
OR DOES HE
Meanwhile the Master is channeling Mulan.
Buffy busts up the party at the Bronze like a HBIC. (Hot bitch in charge)
She decapitates a vamp with a cymbal. If cymbal companies were smart they would use this to their advantage.
Jesse is turned into pixie dust by getting pushed onto Xander’s stake. Good.
Buffy and Luke fight, aka Buffy wipes the floor with Luke and trolls him by smashing a window, letting in artificial light. Luke mistakes it for sunlight like the fat idiot he is. Buffy dusts his ass.
The Master is devastated.
Angel was apparently watching in the shadows the whole time without helping Buff. Wut a pussy.
It is unanimously agreed that nothing will ever be the same for the Scoobies.
At school the next day apparently no one is suspicious about the previous night’s events. Whatever.
Giles looks at the Scoobie’s outfits and says this:
All in all this episode gets a 5/10 for me. It’s slightly worse than Welcome to the Hellmouth because it’s kinda predictable, kinda boring, and kinda dumb. The harvest? What? At least Luke and Jesse are gone. The shows about to get awesome from here kids, NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME.
I think my only favorite quote from this episode is Luke: “My body is your instrument.” So romantic.
RIP TO LUKE SORRY LASTER SHIPPERS. </3